I wanna talk a little about Attention Deficit Disorder, A.D.D. It wasn't something doctors knew about when I was a kid. So I was a labeled a "behavior problem" and a "class clown."
I've had A.D.D. all my life, but wasn't diagnosed until 15 years ago, which pretty-much means I was a failure for the first 45 years.
I have an unscientific theory about how I got it. My mother smoked 3 packs of unfiltered Camel cigarettes every day of her life from age 18 on, including when she was pregnant with me. (I can tell even you hard-core smokers are impressed.)
I basically gestated in a toxic waste dump. I wanted to get out so badly that I fought and twisted around in the womb. I got stuck during birth because I had wound my umbilical cord 4 1/2 times around my neck. The doctor had to reach in with forceps and grab my skull, very narrowly avoiding taking out my left eye, and untwist me.
I think he missed a real opportunity afterwards to say to my mother, "Well, Meredith, how did you like getting UN-screwed?"
Anyway, I think it's reasonable to assume drowning an embryo in a nicotine solution for 9 months might create some chemical imbalance issues.
So, DON'T offer me a cigarette.
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