Bunjo's set -- June 12, 2009

[From memory ... this felt shorter than 5 minutes and READS shorter, too. I wonder if he cut me off early. (?)]

[BTW, Bunjo's is next door to an Outback Steakhouse, which has an Australian theme and a line in their advertising, "Let's go Outback tonight." Hence the joke near the end.]

Yes, I AM wearing that black shoe Tom mentioned.

I had foot surgery 2 weeks ago, but I'm feeling much better now. Vicodin and Morphine. Available for purchase in the parking lot, [L] or on my web site, controlled substances dot com. [L]

Good evening. I'm Rich Orwell. As you can see, an up & coming, young comedian, [L] struggling to overcome anorexia. [L]

Well, not so young any more. With any luck, I'll be 60 in December. Let's hear it. [A] THANK you very much. I worked with computers since 1968, [acknowledging murmur] before PCs, ["Yes"] cell phones, ["Yes"] even hand-held calculators. Every day we would hunt the mastodons [L] and use their tusks to punch IBM cards. [L]

I come from a mixed marriage. My mother was a big, fat, ugly Baptist who married a skinny, little Jewish guy from New York. They divorced when I was 12, and she sat me down one day and told me, "In 19 years of marriage to your father, I never had an orgasm." [Gasps] Tell me. Is that "too much information" for a 12-year old? ["Yes"] So I looked at her and said, "Of course not. Jews don't eat pig." [Gasps - L] Mom and I were never very close after that. [L]

Married 28 years in August. [asked for & got applause again] We're still semi-happy together. [L] Very compatible. She's depressed and I'm bipolar. So some days we have fun. Being bi-polar is like buying a candy bar. Sometimes you feel like a nut [L] and sometimes you wanna kill yourself. If you wanna get us a gift, we're registered at Rite-Aid. [L] 25th is the silver anniversary. 28th is Zoloft and Abilify. [L] Bring a prescription pad.

At my age, "getting lucky" means when I leave Stoneridge Mall I can find the car. [L] My wife got me this [show] to help. ["Section A, Aisle 5."], (Pretty cool, ehh?) but sometimes I forget to use it when I park, so I leave the mall and hear this ["You're a dumbshit."] [L]

9 days till Father's Day. Any parents here? I salute you. I couldn't handle the responsibility for shaping young minds, so I don't have any kids. We've got cardigan welsh corgis, (you know the breed?) little herding dogs. Really smart. Our bumper sticker says, "My Corgi can herd your Honor Student." [L]

Anybody else find those "Proud Parent of an Honor Student" bumper stickers annoying? ["Yes"] I mean *I* could have been an honor student in high school, too, if I never discovered drugs and masturbation. [L]

Here now the news ...

[got the 1-minute signal]

I have a lot of other stuff, but why don't I just skip to Sarah Palin? [L] Palin's been all over TV and the internet making angry comments about Letterman's jokes.

I know what she would say if she were here tonight. "From the parking lot, I can see Australia." [some laughs] Outback Steakhouse. [more laughs]

One more thing about Sarah Palin. She's got 5 kids, including one with downs syndrome. I think that's enough, don't you? Because, apparently, her husband Todd isn't smart enough to learn to use a condom, I think she should be saying, "Honey, Let's go Outback tonight." [point to backside] [good laughs]

In conclusion, I'd like to do my impression of George Bush in his 1st grade spelling bee. Wanna hear it? The word is "farm" Can you use it in a sentence? Old MacDonald had a farm. Farm -- e-i-e-i-o. [big laughs]

Keep on laughing. I'm Rich Orwell. Thank you and good night.