I AM Rich Orwell. A handsome, young comedian, yes, a handsome, young comedian [Gesture of "What? You don't believe it?"], struggling to overcome anorexia [Pat belly].
Well, I guess you can see, more like Jabba the Hut with a cane and a microphone.[L] Star Wars fans?
I saw Star Wars opening day in May of 1977 and here's my impression of Luke's encounter with the Sand people. You, Sir, be Luke, OK? (act out with cane] "eee - eee - uhh" [sand people sound effect]
Four weeks now since my foot surgery. The pain is gone. I've been taking Vicodin and Morphine. Available after the show in the parking lot, or on my web site, controlled substances dot com.
I just started doing stand-up and I'll be 60 in December. [Gesture of begging with both hands] Come on, I need the pity. And to think, my wife called me "pre-mature."
Here now, My impression of a man waiting to see the Urologist. "dick - doc - dick - doc" (swing cane like metronome), or for the reason I was there "dick - doc - dick - doc" (swing cane like pendulum).
That's it for Star Wars and the cane.
Is the new Star Trek movie Awesome? ["yes"]
Don't get me wrong, I love doing stand up, but the most laughs I ever got were in line for Star Trek. Ready?
What brand of plastic sandwich bags do Klingons prefer? [use Klingon voice] zi-PLOK.
"Glad"? Only to die In battle.
I wanna get serious about the news for a minute. No cheap, disrespectful shots at Michael Jackson. But Farrah Fawcett really was an Icon in the 70s. LOTS of people joke now about surfing the web for porn and typing with one hand. In 1976, there was no Internet, only 3 TV networks, Saturday Night Live was fresh and funny, and Farrah's pin-up poster sold over 12 million copies.
Steve Martin hosted the first SNL show of 1977 and told a joke that was as daring for the time as it was original. It went something like this...
Boy oh boy, I am SO mad at Farrah Fawcett-Majors. She is SO conceited. She has NEVER called me once. And after the HOURS I've spent holding up her poster with ONE hand! Geez!
She inspired the first nationally televised "With One Hand" joke! Steve Martin, genius. Farrah Fawcett, priceless.
Last Friday, Nestle voluntarily recalled refrigerated Toll House cookie dough because of E. coli. As John Donne would say, "Ask not for whom the toll house cookie crumbles, it crumbles for thee." too literary?
Fiat will be changing the name of Chrysler to Caveat. Damn? OK, you can believe this. That restaurant sign that says "Carpe Diem" means "the fish of the day is Carp."
The mystery of Mark Sanford, Republican governor of South Carolina, has been solved.
He disappeared for 5 days, and NOBODY knew where he was. Turns out he was visiting his mistress, Maria, in *ARGENTINA*. And busted by a newspaper reporter. Oops.
That newspaper got ahold of his emails. Very lovey, dovey, sappy stuff. In one, he tells Maria he likes her "tan lines." Send an email, it's there forever.
Mark Sanford has a wife and 4 sons. A sister and 2 brothers. And despite public outcry, he hasn't resigned yet.
In Argentina,
Cowboys are called "gauchos."
The plains are called the "pam-pas."
That big mountain range is the "Andes."
Right?
Speaking of Mark's brothers, those tan lines are -- gaucho marks. He acted pompous in the pampas. Andes -- STILL the governor.
And to think, I was worried about finding comedy material when Bush left.
Keep on laughing. I'm Rich Orwell.
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