I'm a lazy sack o' stuff

Not enuf energy to write. Here are 2 brief bits from the Halloween Comedy / Costume Party at Bunjo's in Dublin on Saturday night.


"White Belt"


"Horticulture"

Rooster T, Feathers - Sept 23, 2009 - the video

As I said in an earlier post, this was fun but very improvable. At least it was fairly-well received.

Hidden Agendas, slightly improved telling

I've told my "Women have hidden agendas" bit a few times and like *parts* of how I've told it each time. Last night was a bit rushed (a rushed bit?), but I think this will become a staple in my sets.

Wharf Room Comedy at Castagnola's. Sept 1, 2009

Even the Crows Take the Cable Car

Last night was my first time playing a club in San Francisco. Located in the Fisherman's Wharf area, it was 6 blocks from where Maryann & I lived for many years.

I wrote this joke for the occasion, but delivered it hastily. The NEXT time I do it, it will be awesome.

Wharf Room Comedy at Castagnola's. Sept 1, 2009.

She calls me, "Walks with a limp ... dick"

I'm not the Adonis I used to be. After 4 surgeries on my left foot, I walk with a limp (or a cane). My "erectile dysfunction" issues seem typical for a man my age, so I put the 2 together in this bit. This was new material, delivered hastily, but I think you con see it has a future.

Wharf Room Comedy at Castagnola's in San Francisco, September 1, 2009.

Bunjo's - August 28, 2009 - Distracted fun

I had fun tonight at Bunjo's, despite being distracted by needing be the first comic of the night, so I could leave to get to another gig 20 minutes away.

It *wasn't* polished, what with insufficient rehearsal time, so frequently referring to notes. But the bits mostly worked. Delivery will improve over time.

Here are two bits:

Granddaughter Rachel

Tommy T's - August 17, 2009

This felt worse at the time that it plays on the video. I'd give it a B- grade overall. But I *really* need to stop saying "You Know" all the time. Speaking coaches call these "non-words", just like "uhh". Weak. I had a new topical bit about Michael Vick that I didn't deliver well. But I'll do it better at Roosters on Wednesday. I also introduced a new bit about my granddaughter Rachel's YouPorn video. Parts of it worked well. I just need to tighten it a bit. The Mark Sanford bit worked better, now that I eliminated the 2 book covers. The hose closer, of course, killed. At Dr. Brian's suggestion, I included a reference to Chris Rock that worked well.

You can see the video at http://bit.ly/3ViOVe

Bunjo's - August 14, 2009 - Not the best, but fun

http://bit.ly/c6ptD

Enjoy. Please.

[Note: this is a slightly shorter version of the same video from before]

Roosters - July 29, 2009 - the set I planned

This is far better than the set I actually performed. [sigh]

Good evening. I AM Rich Orwell. Just another of tonight's attractive, young comedians. Struggling to overcome anorexia.

I'm moving a little slowly. You may have noticed the cane. I had some surgery on my left foot but I'm getting better. I was taking Vicodin and Morphine. Available in the parking lot.

I brought some news stories, but first my wife's here tonight. Saturday is our *28th* anniversary. If I forget we got married on "8-1-8-1", I'm in some serious trouble.

It's a good thing she picked a date that's easy to remember. At my age, "getting lucky" means when I leave Mall, I can find the car. My wife got me this [show] to help. ["Section A, Aisle 5."], but sometimes I forget to use it when I PARK, so when I leave the mall, I hear this ["You're a dumbshit."] }}}

Yes, 28th years... the secret is compatibility. Actually, she's clinically depressed and I'm bipolar, but we make it work somehow. If you wanna get us a gift, we're registered at Rite-Aid. Bring your prescription pads.



I'm unemployed and broke, just like California. I always buy her roses on our anniversary. So this year, like California, I'm going to give her a dozen red IOUs.

I was hoping to find something nice, but inexpensive, at Kay Jewelers. No luck. I was looking at the display case when the salesperson came over and said, "You know, every kiss begins with Kay." So I looked up and said, "You know what else, every piss begins with pee." That really pissed HER off.

One thing I learned. Men are simple and obvious. Women are complex and mysterious. Am I right? I think it has to do with our genitals. A man has an exposed penis. Women have hidden agendas.

Well, what's in the news?

Sarah Palin is no longer Governor of Alaska. I hope the next time we see her is on a float as the oldest Queen of the Wisconsin cheese festival. She's already been declared persona au gratin. Don't boo.

President Obama, Professor Gates, and the cop who arrested him are having a beer at the White House tomorrow night. THAT won't be awkward. But after a coupla beers, they'll all be best buddies. It'll be like, "Let's see who can piss from the balconey to the Rose Garden."

Well, we lost ANOTHER celebrity last week. The Taco Bell Chihuahua. Do you remember those "¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!" ads from 1997 til the year 2000, the last 3 years Clinton was in office? I always thought that dog was really cute. Cuter than the other one, Chihuahuanica Lewinsky. [p] That bitch was ugly.

H1N1 is spreading. The World Health Organization has declared a world wide pandemic and expects a million cases in the US alone. Rush Limbaugh has fled the country and is broadcasting from an undisclosed location. I don't know about you, but I kinda wonder where the swine flu.

Yeah, 28 years of marriage. Now my dick is limp as a piece of string, and my wife won't even touch it. So I got a new girlfriend. She likes to do what my wife won't. Lemme introduce her to you. Her name is Hoover. [show vacuum hose prop] Yeah, she wants it ALL the time. She's very different. When I was younger, all I used to do was date WHITE hose. Good night.

Tommy T's - July 20, 2009 - Kay Jewelers

This wasn't my best set, but didn't seem as bad while reviewing the video as it did when performing it.

Only one element was worth posting.

Bunjo's - July 17, 2009 - The actual set + Videos

As I mentioned earlier, the evening was partially a roast of John, the owner, so there's a section of that material near the beginning. He had opened the show talking about Sarah Palin & Match dot com, then wondering why his girlfriend Julie puts up with him. (Hence some of the jokes)

John (host): We're gonna bring up our next comic, a new good friend of mine. Give it up for Rich Orwell.

Me: Hi, everybody ["Hi", "Hello"]. Anybody here have ADD or kids with ADD [one audience member points out another]? You? Your friend pointed you out. *I* have ADD, so I wrote my whole set while John was talking. [l]

First of all, Sarah Palin. You know Sarah Palin? You know what she would say if she were here tonight? "From the parking lot [turn & point] I can see Australia" [there's an Outback Steakhouse across the parking lot from the restaurant/club where we were]. [L][L] Yeah, Outback Steakhouse. [L]

And she's quitting as governor of Australia [Oops! -- total flub -- I *meant* to say Alaska. Audience shouted out "Alaska". I tried to recover, saying... ] What can I say? Yeah, Alaska is like Australia, but without the snaykes and spidahs [<= Aussie accent].



But, anyway, she's quitting as governor of Alaska, and in a year she's gonna be the queen of the Wisconsin cheese festival, because she doesn't have much of a future in politics [should have reversed those 2 clauses], and she's already been declared "persona au gratin." [L][L] Thank you for being literate, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd like to sing something for you, but I won't. [l] Dim sum enchanted evening. [L] Everybody remember South Pacific? We're in this lovely Dim Sum restaurant.

John mentioned match dot com. *I* tried match dot com [p] and they rejected me ["Aww"]. Yeah, I told them I like to play with matches. [p][L][some groans] You'd think they'd be more tolerant. [l]

And, uhh, John talked about Julie and wondered how she puts up with him. I don't think she has to put up with him very *far* [gesture w/ thumb & index finger for "small"]. [L] Dick jokes, you have to love 'em, don't you? [L][L}

And John's a golfer. Did you hear Tiger Woods didn't make the cut today in the British Open? Any golfers here [needed longer pause here & audience interaction]? ["Yeah"] He missed it by one stroke. He went on TV and said, "I made some mistakes. I screwed up." And I think Julie says until John loses 50 pounds he's gonna ONLY screw up. [some building laughs, but more groans]



OK. We're gonna only go with clean jokes, very clean jokes. Let's talk about dinosaurs. [L] Jurassic Park humor.

So here I am, a teacher in dinosaur elementary school. [should have made this some *other* person] And there's a little dinosaur there and I say, [talking to child voice] "You know, you have the biggest vocabulary. What kind of dinosaur ARE you?" And the little dinosaur says, "I'm a thesaurus." [groans, some L]. That is the *cutest* joke. I swear to God. My wife laughs at that EVERY time. [continuing l] She has Alzheimer's. It's new to her every time. [L]

H1N1 is now a world wide pandemic and they're not treating it [oops], not counting individual cases, only clusters around the world. One million cases in the US, ladies and gentlemen. And Rush Limbaugh got very scared and he left. Do you all know Rush? [boos] You like him? That's horrible. [building l] And he left the country, he left the country, and he's broadcasting from an unknown location. I kinda wonder where the swine flew. [some groans, but mostly L and some applause]

We're nearly at the end of this. We're gonna try to make it short.

You women are gonna love this. They're opening up a new chain of collagen injection spas and studios [said it badly]. It's called "Angelina Jo-lip." [some groans, but mostly big L] She's got those natural lips.

I'm gonna close with this because we've got a lot of comics and I respect your time. If Porky Pig took his girlfriend Petunia to Paris on vacation, and they were in the hotel the first night, and Petunia came out of the bathroom and asked, "Porky, what's that extra appliance in here?" He'd say, "A bidet, a bidet, a bidet, a bidet. That's all folks!" Thanks very much.

John: Give it up for Rich Orwell. You're never too old to live your dream.

Bunjo's - July 10, 2009 - Too Literary?

This was in the middle of my set ...

Eureka Moment - Tommy T's - July 6, 2009

This is how I closed my set at Tommy T's in Pleasanton, CA on July 6, 2009