Hello. Bunjo's. I AM Rich Orwell. How we doing tonight?
I know what Sarah Palin would say if she were here tonight. "From the parking lot, I can see Australia." Outback Steakhouse. [the club shares a parking lot with an Australia-themed Outback Steakhouse restaurant]
She's in the news again. She's resigning as Governor of Alaska, effective end of this month. No joke. No explanation. It could be she plans to run for the senate in 2010, or campaign for president in 2012, or my personal favorite, take care of a difficult pregnancy with another downs syndrome baby, tentatively named "Stump." I kid the governor. "Hey, Todd, Let's go Outback tonight."
I've been playing this "Where's Waldo?" book. (Here's the cover)
But I'm not very good. Maybe 'cause I've got Cataract surgery on Tuesday, I can never find Waldo. [sigh] I think somebody has a voodoo doll -- first a needle in the left foot, and now the left eye.
FIVE weeks now since my last foot surgery and the pain is all gone. (yay!) I was taking Vicodin and Morphine. Now Available in the parking lot, or on my web site, controlled substances dot com.
Married 28 years on August 1st. and we're still semi-happy together. Very compatible. Both depressed all the time. If you wanna get us a gift, we're registered at Rite-Aid. We could use serving pieces for anti-depressants.
Don't tell my wife, but I'm planning a 5 day trip to South America.
By now you know about Mark Sanford, right? The Republican governor of South Carolina who disappeared for 5 days visiting his mistress in Argentina. His wife Jenny has reportedly already signed a book deal and I don't think she likes him very much. She hasn't written it yet, but she HAS chosen a title and cover art.
This is the woman from Argentina he's been seeing...
Carmen Sandiego
[note: the club is in a Chinese restaurant that serves Dim Sum daily -- if you don't know what "Dim Sum" is, Google it]
I hear they've got great Dim Sum here. [sing] Dim Sum enchanted evening. (from the musical "South Pacific", ladies and gentlemen.)
And can I sing or what? Maybe I'll go on America's Got Chutzpa.
What? Not many Jews? Lemme explain. Chutzpa. It's the Israeli Vespa. The Mafia likes to relax at the Chut-zpa. OK. seriously Chutzpa is a Greek island next to Lesbos, but everybody there has big balls.
Around the 4th of July, I always think about my ex-gf from 40 years ago. After we broke up, she became a hooker. I'm very proud. It's like I coached an amateur before she turned pro.
She's very patriotic. On the 4th of July she gives a free bj to any uniformed svcman she meets -- while humming the Star Spangled Banner. Makes 'em come to attention. Don't boo.
Actually, she likes any guy in uniform. Next year she'll be working the Boy Scout Jamboree. She gives GREAT merit badge.
I had a "Eureka" moment last week. Lemme explain. The California state motto is Eureka, what the guy said who discovered gold in 1849 (49 -- 49ers, right?) Greek for "I have found it." An "Aha" moment. Here's what *I* discovered. A man CAN have an orgasm without an erection. Very important at my age... Well, it wasn't really a Eureka moment [show vacuum hose]. I think it was a Hoover.
You've been a great audience. I'm Rich Orwell.
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