Bunjo's - July 17, 2009 - The actual set + Videos

As I mentioned earlier, the evening was partially a roast of John, the owner, so there's a section of that material near the beginning. He had opened the show talking about Sarah Palin & Match dot com, then wondering why his girlfriend Julie puts up with him. (Hence some of the jokes)

John (host): We're gonna bring up our next comic, a new good friend of mine. Give it up for Rich Orwell.

Me: Hi, everybody ["Hi", "Hello"]. Anybody here have ADD or kids with ADD [one audience member points out another]? You? Your friend pointed you out. *I* have ADD, so I wrote my whole set while John was talking. [l]

First of all, Sarah Palin. You know Sarah Palin? You know what she would say if she were here tonight? "From the parking lot [turn & point] I can see Australia" [there's an Outback Steakhouse across the parking lot from the restaurant/club where we were]. [L][L] Yeah, Outback Steakhouse. [L]

And she's quitting as governor of Australia [Oops! -- total flub -- I *meant* to say Alaska. Audience shouted out "Alaska". I tried to recover, saying... ] What can I say? Yeah, Alaska is like Australia, but without the snaykes and spidahs [<= Aussie accent].



But, anyway, she's quitting as governor of Alaska, and in a year she's gonna be the queen of the Wisconsin cheese festival, because she doesn't have much of a future in politics [should have reversed those 2 clauses], and she's already been declared "persona au gratin." [L][L] Thank you for being literate, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd like to sing something for you, but I won't. [l] Dim sum enchanted evening. [L] Everybody remember South Pacific? We're in this lovely Dim Sum restaurant.

John mentioned match dot com. *I* tried match dot com [p] and they rejected me ["Aww"]. Yeah, I told them I like to play with matches. [p][L][some groans] You'd think they'd be more tolerant. [l]

And, uhh, John talked about Julie and wondered how she puts up with him. I don't think she has to put up with him very *far* [gesture w/ thumb & index finger for "small"]. [L] Dick jokes, you have to love 'em, don't you? [L][L}

And John's a golfer. Did you hear Tiger Woods didn't make the cut today in the British Open? Any golfers here [needed longer pause here & audience interaction]? ["Yeah"] He missed it by one stroke. He went on TV and said, "I made some mistakes. I screwed up." And I think Julie says until John loses 50 pounds he's gonna ONLY screw up. [some building laughs, but more groans]



OK. We're gonna only go with clean jokes, very clean jokes. Let's talk about dinosaurs. [L] Jurassic Park humor.

So here I am, a teacher in dinosaur elementary school. [should have made this some *other* person] And there's a little dinosaur there and I say, [talking to child voice] "You know, you have the biggest vocabulary. What kind of dinosaur ARE you?" And the little dinosaur says, "I'm a thesaurus." [groans, some L]. That is the *cutest* joke. I swear to God. My wife laughs at that EVERY time. [continuing l] She has Alzheimer's. It's new to her every time. [L]

H1N1 is now a world wide pandemic and they're not treating it [oops], not counting individual cases, only clusters around the world. One million cases in the US, ladies and gentlemen. And Rush Limbaugh got very scared and he left. Do you all know Rush? [boos] You like him? That's horrible. [building l] And he left the country, he left the country, and he's broadcasting from an unknown location. I kinda wonder where the swine flew. [some groans, but mostly L and some applause]

We're nearly at the end of this. We're gonna try to make it short.

You women are gonna love this. They're opening up a new chain of collagen injection spas and studios [said it badly]. It's called "Angelina Jo-lip." [some groans, but mostly big L] She's got those natural lips.

I'm gonna close with this because we've got a lot of comics and I respect your time. If Porky Pig took his girlfriend Petunia to Paris on vacation, and they were in the hotel the first night, and Petunia came out of the bathroom and asked, "Porky, what's that extra appliance in here?" He'd say, "A bidet, a bidet, a bidet, a bidet. That's all folks!" Thanks very much.

John: Give it up for Rich Orwell. You're never too old to live your dream.