The Little Crab

[I call this a "Shaggy Crab Story". It requires having lived during the era when people often ate things like Shrimp Cocktails.]

A little crab living off San Francisco's Ocean Beach had heard from his father that the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus features a "Human Cannonball", a man who allows himself to be loaded into the mouth of a cannon and fired across the circus floor into a net. The little crab was fascinated by the account and waited his whole life until the circus came to town. He snuck out of the ocean and up the beach in the very early hours of Saturday morning (because there were fishermen all around during the daytime) and climbed under a seat on the bus to ride to the circus venue. He had to transfer twice, but had learned by heart the map of the bus system and arrived safely at the big top before dawn. He snuck under the edge of the tent, crawled under the bleacher-style seats, and slept until the crowd started to arrive for the Saturday matinee show.

As the circus was about to begin, the ringmaster came out to greet the crowd. "LAYYY-DEES and gentlemen, boys and girls. Welcome to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, the Greatest Show on Earth! Before we begin, I have an announcement to make. The human cannonball called in sick, and so we won't be showing that particular entertainment today -- unless, of course, one of you wants to volunteer to be shot out of a cannon." The crowd laughed.

The little crab was terribly disappointed, and seeing nobody else was going to volunteer, scuttled out from under the seats, raised his claw, and shouted, "I'll do it."

This was a big surprise to everyone, including circus management. They wheeled out a roll-top desk and their attorney, who proceeded to have the crab sign away all liability rights before they'd let him do it. The crowd waited anxiously as they loaded the little crab into the cannon. The ringmaster had the crowd count down, "THREE - TWO - ONE" and pulled the lanyard.

The crowd knew the sound of a Human Cannonball was a loud "Ka-BOOM", but wasn't expecting the sound of a Crustacean Cannonball, a loud ...

"Crab LOUIE!"

[Again, in order to appreciate the story, one really ought to know a Crab Louie has shredded crab meat.]