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Tonight, tonight
</p><p><br></p><p>These are notes for bits I may do tonight at the Rockit Room in San Francisco. Most are only a few keywords; I know what to say for each. If you need details, email/comment.</p><p><br></p><p></p><p>world's oldest gifted child</p><p><br></p><p>why no smile</p><p><br></p><p>Think I'm fat, ugly and OLD? Every day I get up, walk into the bathroom and take a long look at myself in the mirror. Every day. You'll only see me for a few minutes. You get no sympathy from me.</p><p><br></p><p>social security doesn't arrive for 2 weeks.</p><p><br></p><p>had to do sell a kidney on craigslist to get gas money.</p><p>it's OK, it was my wife's</p><p>-----------</p><p>AA batteries 69 position. the sex they have is more energetic than mine & lasts longer, too. especially those whores, the lithium-ions.</p><p>-----------</p><p>skydive, fly gliders, </p><p>ski, run, martial arts</p><p><br></p><p>young comics talk about sex a lot.</p><p>important.</p><p>sleeping with many women.</p><p>only important if you haven't done it.</p><p>watersports, horses into the pool</p><p>------------------------</p><p>[My name is Richard, but my wife calls me by my Native American name, "Walks with a limp ... dick."]</p><p>------------------------</p><p>caught my wife doing it. she was flossing</p><p>my wife flosses her teeth</p><p>when do YOU floss?</p><p>day visit the dentist?</p><p>if I flossed at all, it would be with red vines</p><p>---------------------</p><p>smoked a lot of dope in the 60s. impression "if, if, if, you know."</p><p>snorted a lot of blow in the 80s. fork in throat.</p><p>----------</p><p>I went to my new gf's company Xmas party. Handed her a bottle of wine and said, "Here, suck out this cork." And then I worried I was being indiscrete. I didn't have to worry, though, she already had a reputation of being a fabulous corksucker.</p><p>----------</p><p>gets really cold my Nepals get hard</p><p>watching the republican elections</p><p>republican elephant - hippo crit</p><p>-----------------------------------</p><p>wife & I having problems</p><p>(Stoneridge Mall)</p><p>got lucky at the mall</p><p><br></p><p>grandpa fetish</p><p><br></p><p>dolly gf</p><p><br></p><p>me=cork, champagne cork</p><p><br></p><p>do you know the hardest thing about changing a diaper?</p><p>doing it when you're wearing it.</p><p>------------------------------------</p><p>so, am I jewish?</p><p><br></p><p>1/2 chicken sandwich</p><p>------------------------------------</p><p>cockroach extra spit (order w/o roaches, </p><p>m says go back or get take out. get extra spit.)</p><p>--------------------------------</p><p>tiger woods Chevron 12/4</p><p><br></p><p>male lover (mistress equivalent) he is called an "orgasm"</p><p><br></p><p>occupy guillotines</p><p>=================</p><p>gila monster</p><p>photoshop</p><p><br></p><p>summer of love child story</p><p><br></p><p>My wife and I left college. I became a hippie mailman & she became a hippie telephone company service rep and we all lived hippily ever after.</p><p>shotgun wedding</p><p><br></p><p>I remember at Xmas I used to take my first wife shopping. The hippie girl who had my "Summer of Love" child. She was 4'11", still is, I guess. When the marriage was ending I would take her to macys and lose her in the crowd.</p><p><br></p><p>meatballs into grout <- ask audience if right word</p><p><br></p><p>A,B,C,D add, bipolar,class clown,depressing childhood</p><p>dysfunctional adversity </p><p><br></p><p>catheter</p><p>-------------------------------------------</p><p>Jeopardy category is 8-letter words. "Innuendo" contestant says, What is where do you stick a butt plug. disparaging or a derogatory nature</p><p><br></p><p>another dirty-sounding word, Agenda.</p><p>Agenda sounds busy.</p><p>-------------------------------------------</p><p>I have a (another) girlfriend. Well actually she's the appliance hose from the vacuum cleaner. She's different from all the girls I used to date. When I was younger, all I used to date was *white* hose.</p><p>-------------------------------------------</p><p>gorilla cheese sandwich.</p><p><br></p><p>throbbing erection/flexstraw</p><p>---------------------------------</p><p>I have seen a lot of asian drivers. zombies</p><p>seen one parallel park? awful.</p><p>---------------------------------</p><p>not make light of using weed -- </p><p>just saying you should light it</p><p>-----------</p><p><<< ok to be old, not say hella</p><p>married 30, b/c catholic</p><p>jews don't eat pig (w/car) >>></p><p>------------------------</p><p>In 1967, down the street in the Haight-Ashbury, we had a little event called the "Summer of Love." When I say "we," I mean "I". I was a hippie. Before you shout "Bullshit," take off 45 years and 60 pounds, add bell-bottom trousers, red eyeballs (from smoking dope) and a permanent shit-eating grin (same reason). *And* a full head of shoulder-length hair [bend forward & shake]. Was I not splendid? OK. It takes a lot of imagination.</p><p><br></p><p><<< I know most of you haven't seen an actual hippie, so after the show, if you like, for $5 you can have your picture taken with me. Only $10 more gets you a signed "Me and the hippie" certificate of authenticity, suitable for framing. A keepsake your family will treasure. [shake finger] Don't watch infomercials. >>></p><p><br></p><p></p>
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