*Some* things worked tonight at Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale, Ca. Others didn't, and I tend to fixate on those. Too many words. Too many non-words. Delivery too rushed. Not adequately rehearsed.
All that aside, a good time. Laughs where I expected them. Some of them long and loud.
As always, the set I wrote is MUCH better than what I delivered. I'll post that ACTUAL set later, with links to short video segments (i.e. only the bits that worked).
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Let's address the elephant in the room, the thing we all see but don't talk about. Yes. I AM the youngest, most attractive comic you'll see tonight. Show me by applause if you thinks it's OK for a 59-year old man to start doing stand-up.
Are there other guys named Richard here? What do people call you for short? Rich, Rick, Dick? Guys called Dick have a bad reputation. Dick Nixon, Dick Cheney. So when I got my native American name, I didn't like the way my wife says it. "Walks with a limp... dick"
did you see Michael Vick on 60 minutes Sunday? You know about this guy? highest paid quarterback in history who played for the Atlanta Falcons and was convicted of running a dog fighting operation in Virginia for 6 years. Now he's out of prison, got attorneys, agents and media advisers to help him through interviews like 60 minutes. He will be playing for the Philadelphia Eagles in the NFL, where there are a lot of aggressive dog lovers. He may be involved in a lot of penalties.
I think he's already been sent to prison for unsportsmanlike conduct, but he may be exposed to to unnecessary roughness, Intentional pounding, and (especially since we're here at Roosters) personal fowls.
It's a good thing Philadelphia Eagles are in the NFC East, so it won't be until the super bowl when he may have to meet the AFC North team, the newly-renamed Steelers, the Pittsburg Pit Bulls.
Bill Clinton in the news, getting those reporters out of N Korea. I saw him on CNN being debriefed by Pres. Obama in the white house situation room. Remember him saying he smoked marijuana but "Didn't inhale"? "Don't inhale" is the first thing they teach you in glass blowing class.
Do you or your family watch pbs kids' shows, Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Barney? Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina who disappeared for 5 days over (and you gotta love this) fathers' day weekend in June to visit his mistress in Argentina. On his return, he gave a press conference where he called his mistress his quote soul mate unquote. His wife is, understandably upset. He's trying to work things out. He took his wife & 4 sons on a 2 week vacation to Europe. Returned on a Wednesday. His wife took a little time to recover from jet lag, then took the boys and moved out Friday. He's facing ethics charges for having the state pay for his ticket to Argentina. His wife gave Vogue Magazine an interview where she said, "I have learned that these affairs are almost like an addiction to alcohol or pornography." So who is the object of his addiction. The media hasn't been showing pictures of her, but I obtained one. Who can blame him? [show] Carmen Sandiego. What a babe. Where in the world is Mark Sanford? He's in Argentina.
After 28 years, my wife refuses to do certain things for me. So, like Mark Sanford, I got a mistress, too. She likes to do what I want ALL the time. Let me introduce her to you now. Her name is Hoover. And she's very different from all the other women I've known. I only used to date white hose.
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