Twas the Day After Thanksgiving

I wrote this after the deaths at a Toys 'R' Us store in Riverside County, California, on Black Friday in 2009. Two women got into a fight, then their husbands went to their cars, brought back pistols, and shot each other dead.

Toys 'R' Us Xmas

'Twas the day after Thanksgiving
when all thru the store
not a creature was stirring
the cops held the door

the bodies were stacked by the entrance with care
in hopes that the coroner
soon would be there

the bargains were won
by the hares, not the tortoises
and clutched in their hands
for all time -- rigor mortises

The autos were nestled, all parked in their lots,
The ammo was loaded, when out rang the shots;
Mom in her Kevlar, I in my red shirt,
Learned two shoppers were down -- hoped no reindeer were hurt.

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Blitzen!
I wet myself thoroughly, my pants full of shitzen
"To the end of the aisle! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! get away from the mall!"

Gurneys to hearses, and the cops blew their whistles,
And away they all flew, tagging toes, ducking missiles.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
"Half off, aisle 4, and to all a good-night."

More about my "High-atus"

I had a somewhat wretched set on Thanksgiving Eve.

First, I flipped a coin to see who would go 1st vs. 4th of 9 comics -- and lost. I had to go on first. An unenviable position.

More importantly, I lost all sense of time and had to have music play me off the stage. I heard afterward that I had gotten the one-minute light 3 times, but missed it each time. I was definitely dazed up there, like a deer in headlights. Hence the hiatus until I get used to the new meds.

Actually, most of the new jokes worked. All the older stuff worked, of course. I had a few huge laughs and some applause. Very gratifying. Some of the new stuff, however, did not work. I felt like I was talking out of turn in a library :)

I made an audio recording. I might transcribe some of it here later.

My "atus" is as high as an elephant's eye.

I'm putting my stand-up comedy "career" on hiatus until my bipolar meds stabilize.

My brain is numb. I see things through a fog.

I remember an old Bill Cosby line, "My tongue is asleep and my teeth itch." Yeah. It's like that.

The title is derived from "Oh, What a beautiful morning."

There's a bright golden haze on the meadow,
There's a bright golden haze on the meadow,
The corn is as high as an elephant's eye,
An' it looks like its climbin' clear up to the sky.

Chorus:
Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I've got a wonderful feeling,
Everything's going my way.

Comfortabler?

Is there such a word as "Comfortabler"? I mean the comparative state of "more comfortable."

I looked at the video from last night at Bunjo's and noticed that, while my memory was still useless (so I had set notes on stage with me), I appeared loose and relaxed. That's the way I felt, too, more so than I can remember.

I *know* the things I'm still doing wrong. Too many (ummm, you know, what can I tell you?) "non-words" and too many words in general, but (despite that) I'm getting into an easier delivery style with more audience rapport and interaction.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

Papillon: "Hey you bastards, I'm still here." (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070511/)

Busy days at open mics & showcases lately. Last night (Friday) at Bunjo's, Monday at Tommy T's, Wednesday at Rooster T. Feather's.

Mostly, however, I've been distracted by real-life events. I'll write more when I can.

(Semi-)Famous again

I got on CNN (albeit anonymously) for a second time, having my email on screen and read aloud by Jack Cafferty on the Wolf Blitzer "Situation Room" show yesterday. The subject was H1N1, so I sent the comedy line I wrote months ago. You can see it online ("Rich writes: If Rush Limbaugh got scared and fled the country, would anybody wonder where the swine flew?") near the bottom of the transcript at http://rhetorich.com/CaffertyFile.htm.

If I could live on laughter, I would. Money, however, is necessary.

I'm a lazy sack o' stuff

Not enuf energy to write. Here are 2 brief bits from the Halloween Comedy / Costume Party at Bunjo's in Dublin on Saturday night.


"White Belt"


"Horticulture"