Bunjo's, Oct 14, 2011

This is as close as I can remember to the set I did at Bunjo's Comedy Club in Dublin, Ca. on Oct 14, 2011.  There were, of course, a few riffs on other comics in the beginning, but this was the set I'd planned and this was the set I delivered.

I'm getting better at sticking to the plan.  And my timing, specifically waiting for the audience to have time to laugh, was better, too.

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I *am* the youngest, thinnest, best looking comic here tonight. (I checked)
Did you have the magic mushroom chicken?
No? Oh, in that case I'm hella fat, hella ugly and hella old.
I'm too old to say hella. There's an age limit.  [hand gesture]
You must be at least this young to say hella.
How old?  When I was a boy, I went to a one-cave schoolhouse.
How old? Back when I started using computers, we would hunt the
mastodon then use the tusks to punch IBM cards.  That old.

When I was a boy, my father beat me with a leather strap.  No, that isn't the funny part.  Here's a reference you might not get.  Did you see the Shawshank Redemption?  Good film.

The day after his funeral, I went back to the cemetery and danced on his grave.  Then I changed my name.  My mom knew when she died, I'd want to dance on her grave, too, but she wouldn't give me the satisfaction.  She left instructions to have herself cremated.  She knew you can't dance on an urn.  Believe me, I tried.  I knocked it over.  Then I had to vacuum her up.

Just an aside.  They had a trainee grief counselor working at the crematorium.  I asked if he was there on an "urn while you learn" program.  His face turned, for want of a better word, ashen.

You may have seen the TV ads.  Coming to San Francisco
a troupe of masturbating French acrobats, circle jerk du soleil.

Speaking of France,
When Occupy Wall Street stops being non-violent, they'll
order 10,000 Gillette brand Trac-II guillotines.  The
first blade will pull the head out just a little, so the second
blade can cut through cleanly, without leaving any
embarrassing neck stubble.  The aristocrat's head will look
its best when mounted, either on a wall or on a pike.  The
machines will be free, of course.  Gillette knows the money's
in the blades.

show at museum all summer in g g park.   this is a field trip report.
In the deserts of the southwest the gila monster is
a sluggish, poisonous lizard you have to practically
step on to get it to bite you.  but once it does it holds
on.  it doesn't have fangs, it doesn't strike like a snake,
it chews the venom into you.  And here's one thing most
people don't know.  Even if you cut off its head, the
nervous system will keep it biting.  It will chew poison into
you even after it's *dead*.  Let's talk about my mom.

George Carlin, The American Dream

Michele Bachmann. I can't say enough.

If Michele Bachmann is elected President, Americans will learn more.

Tens of millions, in fact, will learn more than the first two words of "O Canada."

Now that's a hug

In San Francisco, The California Academy of Sciences had a cold-blooded exhibition this summer on snakes and lizards.  Their TV ad featured a Curator wrapped by a 16-foot albino python, named "Lemondrop."  "Now that's a hug," the fellow said.

Here's something different.

http://www.amusingplanet.com/2011/07/snake-massage-spa-in-israel.html

I *like* snakes, especially when pronounced the Australian way, "Snaykes" (rhymes with "tykes').  What's your tyke on that, Might?

What the article doesn't mention is that the $80 includes a tasty snake sandwich, err, *steak* sandwich.

Snake, like revenge, is a dish best served cold.  - Klingon Proverb

I was reminded today of a philosophical quote from the 1968 Star Trek episode, "Spock's Brain." 

"Brain and brain.  What is Brain?"

My proposal for an official Mensa song: "Oh the wayward brain is a restless brain, a restless brain that yearns to ponder."  - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSPLSo3U46Q

It's like when I forgot my credentials and was challenged by security at the Portland Mensa convention this year.  "Badges? We don' got no badges.  We don' got to show you no thinking badges."  -"Treasure of the Sierra Madre"

I think it's time to go feed my brain some blood sugar.

Chow

Let's get Physics-cal

This is REALLY obscure, except to particle physicists. Go find one and watch the reaction :)

Scientists at CERN in Switzerland claim to have accelerated a neutrino to a speed faster than the speed of light.

The Higgs Bozo particle also goes faster than the speed of light, except it does it wearing clown shoes.

Comedian karma

I went to Molly's Bash at a club called Karma Fusion Lounge in Dublin, California, where an idea popped into my mind -- the Boy George 1983 classic song, "Karma Chameleon," but substituting "comedian" for "chameleon." I'll write out how it would go...

"Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Comedian."

The young lady expresses herself

When the 17-year old girl in a beginning Yoga class kept having unexpected results doing apanasana, her classmates dubbed her "Teen La Queefah."

Yes, it *is* a bit obscure.