Some of the things other comics before me mentioned:
Both Sean and DrB talked about candy bars.
Patrick talked about his mother being a heavy smoker.
DrB talked about walking his dog.
Mac made a Scooby Doo "Wuh?" sound talking about his reaction to a child's bad behavior in a store.
Fillmore talked about couples who've been married a long time not performing oral sex.
My routine went a little bit like the following. The order is probably not correct, and I abbreviated at the end bits you've heard before.
--------------
Yes, I'm here to sell you insurance from the AARP. I *am* Rich Orwell, the youngest, most attractive comic here tonight. I had this really tight set prepared, but I've got ADD, so I'm gonna toss it out and just talk about what the other guys said. I think I know where the ADD came from. Patrick talked about his mother being a heavy smoker. My mother smoked 3 packs a day of unfiltered Camels every day from the age of 18, including when she was pregnant with me. I was swimming in amniotic fluid that was basically a toxic waste dump. I spun around so much trying to get out that I wrapped my umbilical cord 4 1/2 times around my neck. I couldn't be delivered, so the doctor had to reach in with forceps and grab my head and untwist me 4 1/2 times. Afterwards, he said to my mother, "Well, Meredith, how did you like getting UN-screwed?" Sean and DrBrian were both talking about candy bars. I'm also bipolar. Being bipolar is like buying a candy bar. Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you just wanna fucking kill yourself. Mac made that "Huh?" sound and it reminded me of the bumper sticker I saw today, "What would Scooby do?" I live in Castro Valley. Does anybody know where that is? About 5 miles west of here. There are only 2 main streets, Castro Valley Blvd and Redwood Road. DrBrian was talking about walking his dog. Dog owners, does this ever happen to you? Somebody comes up to your dog and instead of asking you his name, they ask the dog, "What's your name, boy?" And then the dog looks at you, like "What does he think I'm gonna do, answer?" I'd like to have a dog named Rumford, so when that happens my dog can SAY [bark] "Rumford." And then I say to him "And tell him where we live." And the dog can say, [bark] "Reh-roo Roa." SOME material about McCain's Grand for Grandma, including Acme Slingshot Company. ====== Other, practiced material >>> Jews don't eat pig bit. She got Creamated. Can't dance on an urn. Blowin' in the wind. Didn't have to turn her head. Could have swallowed. Which brings me to what Fillmore said about couples after being married a long time not performing oral sex. Like Bill, etc. Intro Hoover, plus 2 new bits, "I prefer a lubricated rubber." and "Ribbed for her pleasure." White Hose. I *am* a dirty old man. I've been Rich Orwell.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Bunjo's - September 25, 2009 - fun, again
A good set last night.
There were 10 performers on the scheduled line-up, but 13 showed up and got stage time. *All* were somewhere between good and excellent, a rarity. One popular local fellow walked in and got 5 minutes, and 2 *nationally known* comics made surprise appearances for longer sets. By "nationally known" I mean guys who've appeared on HBO & Comedy Central
I had tightened up the 5-minute set from Rooster's on Wednesday and intended to repeat it, but got *7* minutes of time and mostly just wallowed happily in ADHD riffs on earlier comics' topics.
As usual, I screwed up making a video, so don't have it.
I'll have to recall what I said from memory & notes, but will post what I can later.
There's been a pleasant trend of having better audience rapport & response.
As always, a lot of each set is topical/political material that I'm delivering without much live practice. It's difficult to get the writing and delivery right the first couple of times.
The GOOD news about doing call backs on other guys' sets is that I (mostly) can use material I wrote & rehearsed (if only in my head) before. It *looks* like spontaneous ad libs, but is of a higher quality than that.
The audience *loves* it when I say (as I did last night), "I wrote this excellent set for you tonight, but my ADD kicked in and I'm throwing it out. I wanna talk about what the other guys said instead." I went with that new-seeming material for at least half the set before getting back into what I had prepared, including some even newer and better material I added to the "Hoover" closer.
There were 10 performers on the scheduled line-up, but 13 showed up and got stage time. *All* were somewhere between good and excellent, a rarity. One popular local fellow walked in and got 5 minutes, and 2 *nationally known* comics made surprise appearances for longer sets. By "nationally known" I mean guys who've appeared on HBO & Comedy Central
I had tightened up the 5-minute set from Rooster's on Wednesday and intended to repeat it, but got *7* minutes of time and mostly just wallowed happily in ADHD riffs on earlier comics' topics.
As usual, I screwed up making a video, so don't have it.
I'll have to recall what I said from memory & notes, but will post what I can later.
There's been a pleasant trend of having better audience rapport & response.
As always, a lot of each set is topical/political material that I'm delivering without much live practice. It's difficult to get the writing and delivery right the first couple of times.
The GOOD news about doing call backs on other guys' sets is that I (mostly) can use material I wrote & rehearsed (if only in my head) before. It *looks* like spontaneous ad libs, but is of a higher quality than that.
The audience *loves* it when I say (as I did last night), "I wrote this excellent set for you tonight, but my ADD kicked in and I'm throwing it out. I wanna talk about what the other guys said instead." I went with that new-seeming material for at least half the set before getting back into what I had prepared, including some even newer and better material I added to the "Hoover" closer.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Rooster T. Feathers - Sept 23, 2009 - Original Set
Here's the set I wrote, with annotations I made at the club before I went up of where I wanted to change the order. The original notes, with arrows, etc., would be more instructive, but you can look at this script and the video below to see how it went.
Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Yes. I AM the youngest, most attractive comic you'll see tonight. 15
to #A [I also walk with a limp, after 4 surgeries on my left foot. I was taking vicodin and morphine for the pain. Available after the show.
My name is Richard, but my wife calls me by my American Indian name, "Walks with a limp...Dick." I don't wanna talk about it.]
First of all, happy Rosh Hashanah to all my Jewish friends.
I'm not Jewish. I come from a mixed marriage. My mother was a big, fat, ugly [p] Baptist woman who married a skinny little Jewish guy from New York. They divorced when I was 12 and she sat me down one day and told me, [p] "In 19 years of marriage to your father [p] I never had [p] an orgasm." Is that "too much information" for a 12-year old? I thought about it and said, "Of course not. Jews don't eat pig." Mom and I were never very close after that.
I mean, we REALLY didn't like each other. When she died I wanted to dance on her grave, but she thwarted me once AGAIN. She got cremated. There's no way to dance on the top of an URN. All I could do was hop up and down like Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid.
#A You know mary travers of peter paul & mary died last Wednesday. If you're too young to know them, Peter Paul and Mary were enormously popular folk singers back when jfk & martin luther king were assassinated and during the protests against the war in viet nam.
There were stories that their song "puff the magic dragon" was about smoking weed. Or maybe it was just a childrens' song. Or maybe it was a childrens' song about smoking weed. Bill Clinton reportedly puffed in college, but says he didn't inhale. That is, btw, excellent advice for those of you who plan to take up glass blowing.
Think about it. Molten glass -- bad for the lungs.
If I had a Hammer, there'd be single payer healthcare.
After Obama's inauguration, George Bush is reported to have been singing this on the way home to Texas. "I'm leavin on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again." Were you like me, watching that? I thought, after 8 years of national constipation, at last the shit is gone.
Bill and Hillary Clinton were dating in college and very active in the anti-war movement. Young and passionate in ways we can't imagine them being now. And, like everyone else at the time, they had a favorite Peter Paul & Mary song. You see, Hillary came back to her dorm room after a date with Bill one night and her roommate asked, "How'd your hair get all sticky?" And Hillary replied, "The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind."
Well, she didn't HAVE TO turn her head. She COULD have swallowed.
There's not even a whisper of a breeze in the Oval Office. Look at Monica Lewinsky's blue dress.
My wife's in the audience. We've been married 28 years. [a] But, like Hillary Clinton, there are certain things she doesn't like to do for me anymore. So like Bill Clinton, I got a lover who does. I'd like to introduce her.to you now. Do you like it when your lover is noisy? When I turn her on, she is REALLY loud. Her name is Hoover [p]. She likes to do it for me ALL the time. She's different from all the women I used to know. I only used to go out with WHITE hose.
I'm a dirty old man. I've been Rich Orwell.
Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Yes. I AM the youngest, most attractive comic you'll see tonight. 15
to #A [I also walk with a limp, after 4 surgeries on my left foot. I was taking vicodin and morphine for the pain. Available after the show.
My name is Richard, but my wife calls me by my American Indian name, "Walks with a limp...Dick." I don't wanna talk about it.]
First of all, happy Rosh Hashanah to all my Jewish friends.
I'm not Jewish. I come from a mixed marriage. My mother was a big, fat, ugly [p] Baptist woman who married a skinny little Jewish guy from New York. They divorced when I was 12 and she sat me down one day and told me, [p] "In 19 years of marriage to your father [p] I never had [p] an orgasm." Is that "too much information" for a 12-year old? I thought about it and said, "Of course not. Jews don't eat pig." Mom and I were never very close after that.
I mean, we REALLY didn't like each other. When she died I wanted to dance on her grave, but she thwarted me once AGAIN. She got cremated. There's no way to dance on the top of an URN. All I could do was hop up and down like Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid.
#A You know mary travers of peter paul & mary died last Wednesday. If you're too young to know them, Peter Paul and Mary were enormously popular folk singers back when jfk & martin luther king were assassinated and during the protests against the war in viet nam.
There were stories that their song "puff the magic dragon" was about smoking weed. Or maybe it was just a childrens' song. Or maybe it was a childrens' song about smoking weed. Bill Clinton reportedly puffed in college, but says he didn't inhale. That is, btw, excellent advice for those of you who plan to take up glass blowing.
Think about it. Molten glass -- bad for the lungs.
If I had a Hammer, there'd be single payer healthcare.
After Obama's inauguration, George Bush is reported to have been singing this on the way home to Texas. "I'm leavin on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again." Were you like me, watching that? I thought, after 8 years of national constipation, at last the shit is gone.
Bill and Hillary Clinton were dating in college and very active in the anti-war movement. Young and passionate in ways we can't imagine them being now. And, like everyone else at the time, they had a favorite Peter Paul & Mary song. You see, Hillary came back to her dorm room after a date with Bill one night and her roommate asked, "How'd your hair get all sticky?" And Hillary replied, "The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind."
Well, she didn't HAVE TO turn her head. She COULD have swallowed.
There's not even a whisper of a breeze in the Oval Office. Look at Monica Lewinsky's blue dress.
My wife's in the audience. We've been married 28 years. [a] But, like Hillary Clinton, there are certain things she doesn't like to do for me anymore. So like Bill Clinton, I got a lover who does. I'd like to introduce her.to you now. Do you like it when your lover is noisy? When I turn her on, she is REALLY loud. Her name is Hoover [p]. She likes to do it for me ALL the time. She's different from all the women I used to know. I only used to go out with WHITE hose.
I'm a dirty old man. I've been Rich Orwell.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Rooster T, Feathers - Sept 23, 2009 - the video
As I said in an earlier post, this was fun but very improvable. At least it was fairly-well received.
Roosters -- September 23, 2009 -- Improvable
I had fun tonight.
Lots of areas need improvement, but I've added laugh-generating material to some of my reliable bits that work every time -- either (1) laugh starters in the setup BEFORE the punch line or (2) secondary add-on punch lines that build on or extend the duration of laughter.
That's all a fancy way of saying I'm linking more jokes into chunks of working material. A bit that might have run for a 0:50 now has two more jokes and goes 1:15. An excellent new 30 second bit has 2 more jokes that follow in 10 seconds -- sustaining, building momentum.
I'll post the video later.
I could list all the things I did wrong, but I won't. I know what they are. I also know what I did well.
I may also post the text of the set. As always, my focus is on the writing, but I need to change my focus to the delivery, the performance.
Lots of areas need improvement, but I've added laugh-generating material to some of my reliable bits that work every time -- either (1) laugh starters in the setup BEFORE the punch line or (2) secondary add-on punch lines that build on or extend the duration of laughter.
That's all a fancy way of saying I'm linking more jokes into chunks of working material. A bit that might have run for a 0:50 now has two more jokes and goes 1:15. An excellent new 30 second bit has 2 more jokes that follow in 10 seconds -- sustaining, building momentum.
I'll post the video later.
I could list all the things I did wrong, but I won't. I know what they are. I also know what I did well.
I may also post the text of the set. As always, my focus is on the writing, but I need to change my focus to the delivery, the performance.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
White teeth
I've never cared about having a dazzling smile. I never got into the habit of brushing. Wore braces. Had a mom who didn't give a shit.
Say "la vee," I s'pose.
Anyway, I found this amazing product to whiten teeth. It's called PhotoShop. I just add a layer of white teeth to any digital photo and voila!
Say "la vee," I s'pose.
Anyway, I found this amazing product to whiten teeth. It's called PhotoShop. I just add a layer of white teeth to any digital photo and voila!
Dance on My Grave
I know I've pissed off a lot of people in my life. Some would like to come to my funeral, just to dance on my grave, but I will have the last laugh because I plan to be cremated and it's really hard to dance on the top of an urn. They'll only be able to hop up and down on one foot, like Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid. That movie reference shouldn't be too old for you. It only came out in 1984. LOL
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